Social

Besides the obvious perks like fame, glory, and preferred parking places at theme parks (we kid, we kid) members of the Council of Vegan Parents get to have their questions answered before anyone else, and that’s what happened this week when we fielded a query from Erin, who asked:

“What do you call things? I always say ‘milk,’ ‘cheese,’ ‘burgers,’ ‘mac n’ cheese,’ ‘jerky,’ ‘ice cream,’ ‘yogurt,’ ‘rice crispy treat,’ when what I mean are things like soy milk, Daiya or Follow Your Heart vegan cheese, Boca or other homemade veggie burgers, quinoa macaroni with almond and nooch sauce, spicy seitan Primal Strips, Rice Cream or Coconut ice cream, soy yogurt, or puffed millet and ricemallow treats. It’s odd for me because I have veganized many of my favorite foods from my omni days, and I still use the omni language. But my daughter has always been vegan, and as she goes out into a nonvegan world I don’t want her to get confused (especially when she’s still so young it’s hard to understand) that OUR cheese is not the same as Jimmy’s cheese, so you can’t eat that, or when there’s a pizza party and she thinks, ‘We eat pizza, I love that!’ My husband will say to her, ‘Do you want some soy milk in your cup?’ whereas I just ask if she wants some milk. I’m wondering how other vegan parents have handled this and how the transition went for them either way that they handled it.”

It’s a great question, and I thought it’d be a quick survey, but the Council had other ideas…

It’s a mix

It turns out that while some people are strict over what gets called what, many vegan parents use a mix of terms for foods, just like vegan non-parents do, but frankly, just like all people tend to do. As Meredith pointed out, some people call margarine “butter,” and I’ve heard that “Coke” can mean a lot of different beverages. Some parents use different words in the house and outside as well.

Confusion is confusing!

The real issue is why some words are getting picked over others, and that’s the confusion issue. It’s fine in the home, where you have (most of the) control over what gets eaten, but in social situations, particularly ones where the parents aren’t around, there’s some concern over whether or not kids will get confused, possibly make “mistakes,” or feel left out. As Matthew put it, he calls burgers veggie burgers specifically because he “…would be too grossed out if [his daughter] ate a real one of these by accident.”

Despite the obvious concerns, some families never have much of a problem, despite mixed languages around foods. Julie threw some science at the issue: “I seem to remember reading… that kids naturally accept that words can have multiple meanings. I think I read about it in the context of small children not making the connection between the ‘chicken’ on their plate and the ‘chicken’ animal that they were crazy about, and about how it was easy for them to accept that the same word could be used for two completely different things and didn’t in any way suggest that the two might be related.”

Age matters

Age-appropriateness seems to be key for just about every Council member who addressed the confusion theme. As Al put it, “between the ages of 2 and 4, it’s something you probably have to worry about… once they get older, it won’t matter what you call the food in your house. Though when they’re younger, it’s a good idea to put those modifiers in there.” This was seconded by several parents with older children, who report it being less of an issue than it used to be.

As for what age it starts to get easier, that varies with every family, and has a lot to do with the environments they’re in. From what I was able to gather, you’ll be able to figure that one out for your own situation pretty easily.

In the meantime, it’s a good idea to talk things through with your children. Kristie’s had discussions with her (almost 4 year old) daughter about the differences between soy, rice, hemp and other milks and cow’s milk, and had a handy tip for those of you with more than one child: “It helps that I’m still nursing her younger sister (19 months), so she understands that milk from animals (including me!) is for babies. ”

Children trust their parents

Several Council members noted that their children know that food from parents is “safer” than food from the outside world. As Denise notes, her daughter “…knows that anything I give her, she can eat. If someone else gives her something to eat, she always asks to make sure that she can eat it before starting.”

You know, I think some meat-eating parents might be a bit jealous of families where the children always ask before they eat things…

Of course, there’s another option…

All this confusion about mock meats and milks could be avoided by simply not eating any of these products, and that’s the route taken in various degrees by several Council members. A lot of these products, mock meats in particular, have been (perhaps rightly) called “vegan junk food” by some, and there’s a case to be made for reducing them from all our diets, but at the same time they’re incredibly convenient and time is at a premium for parents, so it’s a bit of a trade-off.

That said, fortified soy (or hemp, or rice, or almond, or whatever comes next) milk can be a great way to get a lot of nutrients quickly, so it’s probably the least likely item to disappear from the fridge and remains a source of possible confusion.

Further reading

Here’s a blogger pro-tip: if you write an article once, it might seem like a lot of work but then you can just point people to it when questions come up, and that’s Celeste did! Here’s a great recap of her adventures in naming milk, and some lessons learned along the way. Be sure to check out the rest of her site too, because I’ve already seen her answer to next week’s question

What words do you use?

What about you? Do you mix and match, choose carefully, or just pick names for foods at random?  Has it caused any issues or solved any problems in your home?  Let us know in the comments!

Thanks to Denise, Kristie, Kim, Meredith, Matthew, Al, Trin, Celeste and Julie for their help with this one!

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