Veganizing children's songs

I have changed or added lyrics to countless songs, even those that don’t include harming animals! Here are several, “veganized” (or at least veggie-nized!) that I use with my children.

–Nicole M.

For THIS LITTLE PIGGY, no one goes to market or is cannibalized!:

This little piggy went to the farmer’s market,
and this little piggy stayed home
This little piggy had ice cream
and with this little piggy shared some
And this piggy cried wee, wee, wee (while tickling up the leg)
all the way home

For BYE BABY BUNTING, I just changed EVERYTHING and made up my own song altogether:

My baby bunting,
Mommy’s gone a’hunting
To find some soft and cuddly clothes
To warm baby bunting (or baby [child's name])
From head to toes

My baby…
…To find a soft little blanket
To wrap my baby bunting in

…To find a cuddly little toy
To bring my baby bunting joy

…To find some soothing lullabyes
So baby bunting can close her eyes

For BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP, who says the wool’s for sharing?:

Baa, baa, black sheep
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir!
My body’s full
Along comes the master,
Along comes the dame
Along comes the little boy who lives down the lane
I’m petted by the master
I’m stroked by the dame
And I’m also loved by the little boy who lives down the lane

For TO MARKET, TO MARKET, we’re not averse to having pets, but if you disagree with keeping pets but are not averse to zoos or sanctuaries, just say “To the zoo, the zoo” or “To the sanctuary, the sanctuary too see a cute pig…a wart hog…a poison dart frog…”—whatever rhymes! Anything you come up with will be better than the original:

To the pet store, the pet store
To adopt a cute pig
Home again, home again
Jiggedy-jigg

To the pet store, the pet store
To adopt a cute frog
Home again, home again
Jiggedy-jogg

To the pet store, the pet store
To adopt another one
Home again, home again
The pet store is fun!

For A LONG-TAILED PIG, though it was only a selling chant for a currant treat that looked like pigs and not really about biting off the heads to make sure real pigs are dead, none of the pigs lose their tails or their heads)

A long-tailed pig, a short tailed pig
Have you seen one without a tail?
A sow-pig, a bore pig
Have you seen one with a curly tail?
They all have a tail,
They all have a head,
They all have an appetite
And love to be fed!
They all have a heart,
They all want a friend,
They all have an appetite
For love to the end!

For TOM, TOM, THE PIPER’S SON, there’s no child abuse or murder. Promise:

Tom, Tom, the piper’s son
Loved a pig and away they’d run!
The pig was neat, and Tom was sweet
As they ran together down the street

And because I home school, for MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB:

Mary (or [child's name]) had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow
Everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go
It followed her to the library
Which was against a rule
And made the children laugh with glee
To see the lamb so cute
So the librarian turned it out
But still it lingered near
Waiting patiently about
Til Mary did appear
“Why does the lamb love Mary so?”
The children eagerly cry
“Because I love that lamb, you know”
Mary did reply

(We also sing this version with other animals, substituting rhymes for “It followed her to the beach one day….and made the children laugh and leap” “…to the park….smile and remark,” “…to the store….pet and adore,” etc.)

Because I don’t admonish that my children should be seen and not heard but I do value gaining insight through contemplation, for A WISE OLD OWL:

A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
He really was a wise old bird!

For THREE BLIND MICE, they keep their tails, though instead of being cruelty on a farm, it was really about the Catholic Mary I who notably persecuted Protestants including killing three Protestant nobles who supposedly plotted against her:

Three blind mice, three blind mice
See how they run? See how they run?
They all ran up to the farmer’s wife
Who fed them all tofu with rice
Have you ever seen a sight in all your life
As three blind mice?

For LITTLE MISS MUFFET, she not only eschews dairy, but doesn’t have a senseless fear of step-daddy’s spiders, either (she was a real girl):

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Smelling a flower bouquet
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And asked Miss Muffet to play

For OLD MOTHER HUBBARD, the dog doesn’t starve or feign death or smoke pipes, although the first stanza is really about Henry VIII and not a poor dog. I omitted the stanza about a coffin, and changed a line here and there:

Old Mother Hubbard went to the Cupboard
To get her sweet dog a bun
And when she left there the cupboard was bare
But at least her dog got some

She went to the baker to buy some more bread
And when she got back the dog stood on his head

She went to the hatter to buy him a hat
And when she came back the dog was feeding the cat

She went to the barber to buy him a wig
And when she came back the dog was dancing a jig

She went to the fruiter to buy him some fruit
And when she came back the dog was playing a flute

She went to the tailor to buy him a coat
And when she came back the dog was riding a goat

She went to the cobbler to buy him some shoes
And when she got back the dog was reading the news

She took a clean dish to get him some food
And when she got back the dog was in a canoe

Mother Hubbard made a curtsey
The dog made a bow
Mother Hubbard said, “Your servant”
The dog said, “Bow wow”

For THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN, they get something more substantial than broth (which I highly doubt was vegetarian in the original) and there mother actually loves them:

There was an old woman who lived in shoe
She had so many children and knew just what to do
She gave them soup and she gave them some bread
And she kissed them all soundly as they went off to bed

For LADYBUG, LADYBUG (or, Ladybird, Ladybird), no children are burned up as the farmers burn the fields:

Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home
Playing hide and seek, your children are gone
She found all but one, and that’s little Ann
Who hid beneath a frying pan!

For SLEEP, BABY, SLEEP, just because it’s sweeter this way:

Sleep, baby (or [child's name]), sleep
Thy daddy guards the sheep
Thy mommy rocks the dreamland tree
Down falls a little dream for thee
Sleep, baby, sleep

Sleep, baby, sleep
Thy family is the sheep
Thy mommy’s arms are the dreamland tree
Down falls a little dream for thee
Sleep, baby, sleep

For LITTLE BO PEEP, the sheep don’t get their tails cut off:

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And can’t tell where to find them
Leave them alone, and they’ll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them

Little Bo Peep fell fast asleep
And dreamt she heard them bleating
When she awoke, she found it a joke,
For they were all still fleeting

Then up she took her little crook
Determined for to find them
She found them indeed, and made her heart jolly,
As they wagged their tails behind them

It happened one day as Bo Peep did stray
Into a friend’s meadow hard by
There she espied some bells side by side
All hung on a tree with a note nearby

She heaved a sigh and wiped her eye
And over the hillocks went rambling
And tried what she could, as a shepherdess should
To tie each bell to a lambkin

For DING, DONG, BELL, it’s only a little different than the original, really. I only changed that the cat didn’t die, as in the first version, or that no one put the cat in the well, as in a later version with Tommy Stout playing the rescuer. And I don’t mention that the cat killed mice. And I conjure an image of good, kind children as opposed to naughty ones. Ok, so maybe it’s more than just a little different…:

Ding, dong, bell
Pussy’s doing well
Who scratched her chin?
Little Johnny Flynn
Who petted her about?
Little Tommy Stout
What lovely boys as that
To love that little pussy cat
They know to never do harm
As they play with pussy near the barn

For 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, I ONCE CAUGHT A FISH ALIVE, no one catches the fish, and no one’s finger gets bitten, either:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Once I saw a fish alive
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Then I saw it flip it’s fin
Where did the fishy go?
He splashed about but now I don’t know
Was the fish a pretty site?
I shall dream of it tonight

For SING A SONG OF SIX PENCE, raise the child high at the end, with the line “and in the skies they rose.” Better than pecking off her nose! Plus, the birds get the treat, instead of being trapped, and no ill feelings about the queen eating honey:

Sing a song of six pence, a pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds eating up a pie!
When the pie was finished, the birds began to sing
Wasn’t that a dainty sight for the king and queen?
The king was in his counting house, counting out his money
The queen was in the parlor, putting bread in her tummy
The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes
When off flew the blackbirds and in the sky they rose!

For AIKAN DRUM, personally, the original dress is disgusting. Even if I ate meat, the original dress is disgusting. Vegetation is at least amusing. The song has a catchy tune, at least:

There was a man who lived in the moon,
in the moon, in the moon
There was a man who lived in the moon
and his name was Aikan Drum

Chorus:
And he played upon a ladle,
a ladle, a ladle
And he played upon a ladle
and his name was Aikan Drum

And his hat was made of green peas,
green peas, green peas
And his hat was made of green peas
and his name was Aikan Drum

(Chorus)

And his coat was made of lettuce leaves,
lettuce leaves, lettuce leaves
And his coat was made of lettuce leaves
and his name was Aikan Drum

(Chorus)

And his buttons were made of ripe cherries,
ripe cherries, ripe cherries
And his buttons were made of ripe cherries
and his name was Aikan Drum

(Chorus)

And his breeches were made of fresh parsleys,
fresh parsleys, fresh parsleys
And his breeches were made of fresh parsleys
and his name was Aikan Drum

(Chorus)

For SIMPLE SIMON, he goes whale watching instead of whale fishing, er, mammaling?:

Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, “Let me taste your ware”
Said the Pieman to Simple Simon, “Show me first your penny”
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, “Sir, I haven’t any!”

Simple Simon went a-boating for to see a whale
All the water he had got was in his mother’s pail
Simple Simon went to see if plums grew on a thistle
He pricked his fingers very much which made poor Simon whistle
He went for water in a sieve, but soon it all fell through
And now silly Simple Simon bids you all, “Adieu!”

For THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, the rat gets to live but the animals still chase each other about. If you don’t like that part, change it to playing. Also, the maiden prefers giving hugs than taking milk:

This is the house that Jack built

This is the malt
that lay in the house that Jack built

This is the rat
that ate the malt
that lay in the house that Jack built

(add one line at a time, building on all lines that come before)

This is the farmer sowing his corn
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest all shaven and shorn
That married the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That hugged the cow with the crumpled horn
That chased the dog
That worried the cat
That scared the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built

For OLD MacDONALD HAD A FARM, so as not to continue popular children media’s illusion of happy farm animals being the friends of their friendly farmer caretakers, I just say he had a petting farm, and on that farm there lived a such and such…or I’ll sing the child’s name, as in “My sweet [child's name]” or “My friend [child's name] had a petting farm….” If you’re anti-pets but not anti-sanctuaries, you can just say he had a sanctuary.

For THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY, the song is just too silly and ridiculous to not share with my children!! I change it just a bit, though, adding a “tickling” part that I heard elsewhere and isn’t part of the original, and personalizing the song as well as not making her die in the end–kind of a necessity, since I personalize the song, and children probably wouldn’t like the fact that they die in the end. Always tickle the children with the line “wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her,” sometimes pausing before the final line just for effect and anticipation. To personalize with a child’s name, for a girl you don’t need to change anything: “My sweet [child's name]…” or “My friend [child's name]” will suffice. For a boy, other than changing She to He, change “wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her” to “…inside there.” Of course, you can also sing THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO FOLLOWED A FLY, with the words I made up for this version following the more traditional one. Imagining a shirt so large as to accommodate all those animals is at least as comical an image as her swallowing them all up:

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly,
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. I don’t know why.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider
That wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to capture the fly
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. I don’t know why.

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird
How absurd to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to capture the spider
that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to capture the fly
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. I don’t know why.

(Like The House that Jack Built, add one line at a time, building on all lines that come before)

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat
Imagine that! To swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat to capture the bird,
She swallowed the bird to capture the spider….

There was an old lady who swallowed a dog
What a hog, to swallow a dog!….

There was an old lady who swallowed a goat
It must be a joke to swallow a goat!….

There was an old lady who swallowed a cow
I don’t know how she swallowed a cow!
She swallowed the cow to capture the goat
She swallowed the goat to capture the dog
She swallowed the dog to capture the cat
She swallowed the cat to capture the bird
She swallowed the bird to capture the spider
that—wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her!
She swallowed the spider to capture the fly
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. I don’t know why.

There was an old lady who swallowed a horse.
Then she woke up, of course!!

You can also change the song to THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO FOLLOWED A FLY:

There was an old lady who followed a fly
I don’t know why she followed the fly. I don’t know why.

There was an old lady who followed a spider
that jumped in her shirt and tickled inside there
She followed the spider who had followed the fly
I don’t know why she followed the fly. I don’t know why.

There was an old lady who followed a bird
that followed the spider into her shirt–how absurd!
She followed the bird that followed the spider
that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside there
She followed the spider that followed the fly
I don’t know why she followed the fly. I don’t know why.

(add one line at a time, building on the lines that came before)

There was an old lady who followed a cat
That jumped in after the bird–imagine that!….

There was an old lady that followed a dog
that jumped in after the cat–she must be in a fog!….

There was an old lady that followed a goat
that jumped in after the dog? This must be a joke!….

There was an old lady that followed a cow
that jumped in after the goat? I don’t know how!
She followed the cow that followed the goat
She followed the goat that followed the dog
She followed the dog that followed the cat
She followed the cat that followed the bird
She followed the bird that followed the spider
that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside there
She followed the spider that had followed the fly
I don’t know why she followed the fly. I don’t know why.

There was an old lady who followed a horse
But she ran away, of course!! (or, she woke up, of course!!)

–Nicole M.

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